When you transition, a lot goes on. Many different things change, especially things that you don’t even see. When I started transitioning one change that was surprisingly difficult to wrap my head around was my sexuality. I came out as homosexual at a young age. I was so sure that was who I was and the reason why I was so “girly”. I just accepted my femininity and expressed it as I pleased, since I didn’t care about whether or not I “looked too gay” or “too girly.” I’ve talked about this a bit in previous chapters, but I believe it’s worth expanding on.
Take your time, don’t sweat the small things, and let yourself explore who you truly are in all aspects, slowly.
During my adolescence and late teens, I always felt very comfortable in my skin and my body. The only part of my former self that I really didn’t like when I was that age was my facial hair. I absolutely despised it, hated that I even had it all. All other parts though I didn’t really dislike, at least not in the way that I believed a person who was transgender felt about themselves, so I fully believed I was just a very effeminate gay boy. When I did start transitioning, and it became clear to me that actually, no, I’m not homosexual I’m actually heterosexual, it utterly and completely blew my mind. Sometimes it still does.
It was a crazy realization for me to have because I was so sure of my identity back then. I knew I was gay like I knew I needed air to breathe, or the sky was blue, so admitting I had gotten it very wrong was very difficult to do. Once I did though, it made me realize just how insignificant sexuality and gender are when it comes to your identity as a whole in the grand scheme of things. Who I am isn’t a transgender, straight girl, that’s just one small part of me. Who I am is a person; I like to laugh, I’m emotional, I’m sensitive, I’m stubborn, I love to sing, I love to write, I enjoy reading, and coffee, and chocolate. That’s who I am. I just also happen to be transgender and a woman.
My point in talking about all this is, life is crazy. A lot happens, a lot of changes, the path you’re on can suddenly curve at any moment. Take your time, don’t sweat the small things, and let yourself explore who you truly are in all aspects, slowly. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to be any one thing, and don’t ever let anyone else’s experiences determine your own.